Drunk Gensokyans (Touhou parody of "Drunk Americans" by Toby Keith)

The setup: Reimu, Sanae, Alice, Marisa, Nitori, Aya, Remilia and Sakuya gather for a flower viewing. Marisa agrees to go and get Yuugi's dish if Yukari gets the Ibaraki box of 100 medicines. Yuugi agrees because she and Suika think the outcome will be hilarious. Kasen arrives to find a repeat of Wild and Horned Hermit Chapter 16.

(Marisa) Hey guys, I got the booze

(Yukari) Reimu, pay up. You lose

(Reimu) Crap, I thought she would bail out, or say she forgot

(Marisa) Getting this stuff was a breeze

(Alice) You just do as you please

(Suika) Hey, we thought it’d be fun. So let’s have a drink

(Marisa) So first box, then the cup?

(Yuugi) Yeah, that’s right. (Suika) Drink on up!

(Neutral) We’re all raising this cup because this is enough

(Suika) We don’t care what you drink. This is all good stuff

(Marisa) Ya really should try it, it’s all tingly

(Neutral): We are all just drunk Gensokyans

(Sanae) Is this wise to continue?

(Reimu) It’s probably not (Marisa) Reimu!

Come on, you’ve had this one once, so try it again

(Cirno) Hey witch, I’m gonna beat you!

(Marisa) Well try if ya want to!

(Sanae) Who invited the fairy? This was bad enough

(Suika) Come on, drink! Yukari!

Hey Vampire! Drink on up! Come party!

(Neutral) And we refill the box cuz’ we’ve run out of stock

(Nitori) Aya-san, is that wise? (Aya) I won’t know till I try

(Neutral) It doesn’t matter where you live currently

We are all just drunk Gensokyans

(Cirno) Hey, I beat “Reimu” up! (Sakuya) Mistress, you’ve had enough

(Reimu) Marisa did what?! Give that to me!

(Kasen) Wait, what is going on?

(Reimu) It works! I’m super strong!

Super strong!

(Neutral) We raise up one more glass

(Reimu) Alright, I’ll kick yer ass!

(Kasen) This is like the last time! Why didn’t you stop them?

(Neutral) Don’t matter if you’re a Youkai or Human

We are all just drunk Gensokyans

(Yukari) It was for a bet! (Marisa) This fight aint over yet!

(Neutral) We are all just drunk Gensokyans

Higan Retour ~ Riverside View (9)

[0:00] (Neutral) At the shrine of the dead, the red-white miko searched on

Around the place she flew, flowers bloomed around

But she cared not for the rare sight of Higanbana

She came to trace the souls that others had found

[0:18] (Reimu) Why can’t this be easy? Alright Youkai, come out now!

I know that someone’s here, just fooling around

[0:28] (Komachi) What are you saying? I’ll have you know that I work right here

Babbling on in this graveyard… Do you have no fear?

[0:40] (Reimu) What is this place? Graveyards don’t have this many spirits

(Komachi) There aren’t graves here, per se

(Reimu) At this point, it looks more like will ’o wisps in the river

(Komachi) That is the Sanzu, okay?

[1:05] (Reimu) Oh, so I guess you’re the shinigami?

(Komachi) Yeah, you’re right. That’s me

(Reimu) So, if I beat you, I go to heaven?

(Komachi) Wait now, come again?

[1:23] (Reimu) Well I heard that if one can beat shinigami that arrive

They go to heaven as a celestial

(Komachi) Hey, wait a minute! That’s not why I am here right now

And that’s not my job, I only ferry souls!

[1:42] (Reimu) That’s convenient. So what’s a ferryman doing here?

(Komachi) A warning is you’re rushing to your death. The fee’s steep, so fear

[1:54] (Reimu) I’m not crossing, and I don’t have any way to pay

(Komachi) You will have to here someday

And you can’t get by with such paltry shrine offerings

(Reimu) Shut up! And- … oh, by the way

[2:29] Who are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before?

(Komachi) I’m the guide of the sanzu, Onozuka no Komachi

Say, do you want to sail in the Sanzu’s Titanic?

A cruise of rare luxury!

[2:45] (Reimu) Who would take that deal? And anyway, I still can’t pay

(Komachi) 10% off, a once-in-a-lifetime deal right now!

(Reimu) Whatever, I’m here to investigate these odd spirits

And I feel like you’re involved with this somehow

[3:04] (Komachi) H-huh? What do you mean?

What would these ghosts have to do with me?

(Reimu) … Aren’t you supposed to ferry all of them?

Miss Shinigami?

[3:15] Don’t tell me this is because you have been slacking off?

(Komachi) But I don’t know where to go

(Reimu) What do you mean? You go to the shore there, of course

Get them out of Gensokyo!

-Eiki arrives-

[3:41] (Komachi) Well, you say that, but it’s not easy

moving souls around

This was easier when we were still here

Working underground

-Eiki is checking the mirror-

[3:58] (Reimu) No excuses, stop slacking off!

Your job is important!

People are counting on you to fix this mess

[4:09] (Eiki) Well it seems I’ve come back to quite a comic scene

The irony is amusing, I confess

[4:18] (Reimu) Ok, who are you?

(Komachi) Ah, Miss Eiki!! I’m going to work

(Reimu) So, I assume you’re this lazy one’s boss?

I’ve got a complaint

[4:30] (Eiki) I imagine you have several waiting at your shrine

But first I’d like a quick word

(Komachi) Oh jeez, here she goes. You’ll probably want to listen close

Her wrath is just too absurd

[4:55] (Eiki) “No excuses, stop slacking off!” is now appropriate

“People are counting on you”, but you haven’t acted just yet

It seems like you know exactly what you should now do

But still you slack off here too!

Follow Reimu
Follow Komachi

Timeline

Wind God Girl (9)

[0:18] (Bunbunmaru) Other households appeared to accept spring without trouble

I went to call upon the home of the scarlet devil

They seemed to be occupied with plans for viewing parties

So it would seem that Youkai households are rather carefree

[0:42] (Aya) I can’t believe she just attacked! It seems like she’s in a bad mood

But that’s a shame, I couldn’t ask for any news

I don’t have a full story yet, so I should go and get something juicy

Spike it with something nice… (Sakuya) Oh, pardon me

(Aya) Hm? Yeah?

[1:22] (Sakuya) Might I ask you why you are here?

You have been mumbling to yourself, you know

(Aya) Looking back, I think they were boring because they don’t have

Any suspicious people (Sakuya) Is that so?

[1:45] (Aya) Uh-huh, that’s right. A clear villain

Would probably be for the best

Hey, the vampire; is she around? (Sakuya) No, and mistress appreciates her rest

(Aya) No, not her. The other one. The one that broke out of here the other day
The one with the crystals (Meiling) You mean Flandre?

[2:10] (Sakuya) You’ll attract ghosts if you persist in talking to yourself today

(Aya) Oh, that’s not true. All of the ghosts are elsewhere now

(Sakuya) Indeed, that’s true. So maybe those flowers will grow around your feet?

(Meiling) I don’t follow. What in the world are the two of you talking about?

(Aya) That’s no good. There’s no story if it’s about me, so that one will not work

I don’t want to publish biographies

[3:01] So anyway, maybe someone else can be the villain?

Doesn’t this place also have another odd magician?

(Sakuya) Miss Patchouli will not want to participate, surely

(Meiling) Will you two just stop a minute and explain things to me?

[3:25] (Aya) Well can you make that scarlet mist? But change it so it looks like ghosts?

(Sakuya) I don’t think so. And it wouldn’t fool anyone

(Aya) Yeah, guess so. After all, there’s already one incident going on now

There’s not any point to blocking the sun

[4:03] (Meiling) Will someone fill me in or not?

You had said there was an incident now, but-

(Sakuya) All of these flowers now contain the souls of dead humans

(Meiling) Oh, that’s all? So then everything’s fine-… What?!

[4:28] (Aya) Yeah, it’s just weird. But still I don’t have a culprit we can all blame

And everyone’s fooling around. Also Reimu is now doing the same

(Sakuya) I suppose it can’t be helped. We will have to make tonight a shrine event

(Meiling) Is the flower viewing that important? *sweatdrop*

[4:52] (Aya) So at the shrine? Alright then, I’ll tell everyone that I may meet

… Are you still sure that your mistress is now asleep?

(Sakuya) – Yes, it seems so. Regrettably, she is still not available

(Aya) And that one witch can’t come to change all of the flowers to other colors?

(Sakuya) – No, she has other matters that require her attention this whole afternoon

(Aya) Too bad. Alright then, I’ll see you all soon

Follow Aya
Follow Sakuya

Timeline

Phantom Ensemble (9)

[0:00] (Lyrica) Alright kids, just listen up. That is enough

Stop bothering me now, I don’t want to play

Well, I want to, but not with you

And not that way, just with a song

[0:13] (Marisa) Hey, it’s keyboard-girl. What’s up?

It looks like ya don’t know how things are done around these parts

Hey there, fairies! Three words for ya!

Taste [Master Spark]!

[0:25] (Lyrica) Isn’t that just overkill? (Marisa) Well, look. It works

And if ya let them, they will only get worse

And it’s not like they’ll be dead for very long

So it’s not wrong

[0:37] (Lyrica) I thought we had spellcard rules

so that people couldn’t do crazy stuff like you just did

(Marisa) Hey, duels with fairies would take ya too long

Just trust me kid

[0:50] (Lyrica) Don’t call me kid! I’m way older than you

(Marisa) Oh, really? But you’re still younger than those two

(Lyrica) Don’t judge our ages by our looks and style

We’ve been around for a while

[1:03] (Marisa) I wasn’t judging by something like that

I was going by the way that ya guys act

Out of ya three, ya fool around the most

So then ya are the youngest ghost!

-in the bushes-

[1:15] (Merlin) Is Lyrica really losing to her?

(Lunasa) I can’t believe there’s someone more immature

-nearby-

(Lyrica) I’ll have you know that we’re all just as old

Or at least that’s what we’re told

[1:28] (Marisa) So you’re all just triplets?

But still they say you’re the youngest, is that so?

Why are ya guys like this then?

(Lyrica) Uh, well… I don’t really know

-girls are chatting-

[2:16] (Marisa) So I think I got it now.

You guys are ghosts that managed to come back to life somehow

Well anyway, did ya need something way out here?

(Lyrica) You don’t get it. Not at all.

Anyway, I give up. I came here for anything interesting

And hopefully not deal with today’s crazy` (Lily White) Spring!

[2:42] (Lyrica) Oh, no way. Not you again. Go somewhere else!

(Lily White) The spring is here! It’s time to celebrate!

(Marisa) Well she’s a lively one, aint she?

(Lyrica) Hang on, just… wait…

-in the bushes-

[2:55] (Merlin) Isn’t that that one fairy that we saw then?

(Lunasa) Indeed, and it seems it’s excited again

(Merlin) Well dealing with all of that didn’t look fun-

Wait, here it comes.

-nearby-

[3:07] (Lily White) EVERYBODY! The spring is finally here!

(Lyrica) Watch out, she shoots whenever she starts to cheer

(Marisa) Wow, that’s a lot for one little fairy

(Lyrica) She did this earlier next to me

[3:20] (Marisa) Well if she wants to party now so bad

I don’t think there’s any reason to get mad

(Lyrica) But she keeps cheering again and again

(Marisa) Why don’tcha move away then?

[3:33] But this pattern looks too fun

Hey there fairy, let’s just celebrate a ton!

(Lily White) Yay! Someone who wants to dance!

(Lyrica) You’ll get shot down (Marisa) Not a chance!

-bushes-

[3:45] (Lunasa) They’re all crazier than you

Why doesn’t she just get up and leave those two

(Merlin) Hey it all looks fine to me

You need to read the energy

Follow Marisa
Follow Lyrica

Timeline

Mystic Oriental Dream ~ Ancient Temple (9)

[0:00] (Neutral) The half-ghost and white hare went to the stream

The lively death’s scene

[0:47] (Tewi) Well here we are, that “Higan” place

So where do you think the judge of the dead is now?

(Youmu) To be truthful, I couldn’t say

But I am sure I’ll find her somehow

[1:03] (Tewi) Well hopefully, it won’t take long

These flowers here give me the creeps

Hey anyone! Come show yourself!

(Yuuka) Oh, were you looking for me?

[1:15] (Tewi) No way. Who the hell are you?

(Yuuka) I’m insulted that you have not heard of one like me

(Tewi) So, what? Are you important?

(Yuuka) Well my name is Yuuka Kazami

[1:29] (Tewi) That Yuuka? Is that so?

I know you, but this isn’t where flowers should all grow

And why are you holding

That weird kind of flower parasol?

[1:42] (Yuuka) This shape helps flower scents

They all gather within till the essence can ferment

(Tewi) Huh, is that really true?

(Yuuka) No, this is just an eternal bloom

[1:56] (Youmu) That aside, do you know

How we can find the judge of the dead and where to go?

(Yuuka) The Yama? No, not yet

What is it that you want with my foe?

[2:10] (Youmu) I must speak with her soon

There is something that must be done for this flower bloom

(Yuuka) I’ll go first. Wait in line

(Tewi) I’ll just go if you don’t really mind

[2:23] (Neutral) The flower Youkai stood blocking the way

Daring all to “play”

[3:12] (Yuuka) You’re not bad. Though you’re not good

So tell me, how are things back at Hakugyokurou?

There aren’t flowers blooming out there

(Youmu) That isn’t something that you should know

[3:27] (Yuuka) Oho, scary. Is that a threat?

Well come on if you have something left

The flowers here are marvelous

Because they all reek of death

[3:40] (Youmu) Flowers as a death symbol?

That’s insane. They’re only for burning at funerals

(Yuuka) Well, what do you think comes out

If you set a fire to these souls?

[3:53] Anyway, that’s enough.

It’s best not to spoil myself before someone who’s tough

Back to the search for her

Farewell now, half-phantom gardener

[4:06] (Youmu) That Youkaiwas quite strong

And I get the feeling she was playing all along

Anway, presently

I must see where the Yama may be

[4:21] ( ) Ah, she’s here. Troublesome

It would be a pain is I got caught up in her “fun”

I should watch from afar

Just in case Youmu finds where they are

[4:34] Will she find the answer

To why the flowers bloom every 60 years or so?

This is quite annoying

Because I feel like I have to know

Follow Youmu

Follow Yuuka

Timeline

Lunatic Eyes ~ Invisible Full Moon (8)

[0:28] (Marisa) Hey, it’s the moon rabbit. Reisen, wait up!

[0:46] (Reisen) Oh, Marisa. It’s nice to see you today

[1:06] (Marisa) So what brings ya to the forest today?

It’s kinda odd to see you out this way

(Reisen) A mission to find a certain slacker

Tell me, have you run into Tewi?

[1:20] (Marisa) Oh yeah. But if ya wanna find out where

Whaddaya say we duel for it, just for fun?

(Reisen) Of course you would make this more difficult

Alright then, here I come!

[2:25] (Marisa) Hah! Alright, that’s good enough. I’ll tell ya

[2:43] She was headed bacl that way last I saw

[3:03] (Reisen) Alright then, I will catch up on my own

This should be easy if she’s heading back home

(Marisa) Well, good luck. She’s a tricky one, I hear

Who knows, she might disappear

[3:16] (Reisen) That won’t help. I will capture her for sure

(Marisa) Huh? She vanished? Oh right, that’s her eye power

Well I don’t think Tewi has something to fear

(Reisen) … You know that I’m still here…

Follow Marisa
Follow Reisen

Timeline

Mystic Oriental Dream ~ Ancient Temple (8)

[0:00] (Neutral) The ghost-girl searched on, looking for white

A hare came in sight

[0:47] (Youmu) Excuse me! White earth rabbit?

If you don’t mind, can I talk to you for a bit?

(Tewi) Oh, hey you two. Well this is great

Do you guys have something to donate?

[1:03] (Youmu) For the last time, this ghost is me!

It’s because I’m half-phantom, see?

Let me see now… no, that’s a shame

I don’t have any money

[1:16] Hey, wait. Donate to what cause?

(Tewi) These are all donations to help the Hakurei Shrine

(Youmu) Ah, it must be hard for them…

Oh! There was something else on my mind

[1:29] I heard from the tengu

that you knew something about the flowers that have bloomed

(Tewi) The flowers? Are you sure?

I don’t think I said that stuff to her

[1:43] (Youmu) These flowers have spirits.

Is there anything that comes to mind when that’s a fact?

(Tewi) Oh, spirits? Yeah, I guess

Maybe Reisen’s eyes messed with that

[1:57] (Youmu) So, it’s the moon rabbit?

Do you think that she’s the one behind the flower bloom?

(Tewi) I guess she could do it

But it might take her a day or two

[2:10] (Youmu) So I guess it’s not her.

Still something is causing spirits to come out today

(Tewi) Can’t you just drag them home?

After all, they’ll go there anyway

[2:24] (Neutral) The search stalled again, a dead end

Youmu heard this then

[3:12] (Youmu) No, I can’t. They must be judged

The ghosts at home are those who crossed the Sanzu first

(Tewi) Well go complain to the judge then

Before the crows here gets any worse

[3:27] (Youmu) That’s a good plan. I’ll do that then

Do you know where the Sanzu is then?

(Tewi) I’ll take you there. Leave it to me

Now about my tour guide fee…

[3:39] (Youmu) Like I said before to you:

I don’t have any money to spend right here with me

(Tewi) I’ll take you there anyway

Look, just follow the earth’s energy

[3:53] Just be my bodyguard

I heard that somebody’s coming after me today

(Youmu) Very well, then let’s go

We don’t have a second left to waste

[4:06] (Tewi) It’s this way. Follow me!

I know a good shortcut that will get us there quickly

(Youmu) Very well, let’s go then

(I wonder what else may soon happen)

 [4:21] (Neutral) Those two went to Higan

To discover why the spirits weren’t being judged

There they’d find more flowers

Possessed by ghosts heavy with a curse

[4:43] Was this what Yuyuko

Wanted Youmu to discover when she sent her out?

Either way, the Sanzu

Would hold a solution without doubt

[4:47] ( ) Ah, so Youmu is here?

I guess she knows

Let’s see where she goes…

Follow Youmu
Follow Tewi

Timeline