-only to suddenly find herself skimming low to the ground,
launching her off her broom.
"WHAT THE F-"
And tumbling forward through the recently fixed shrine doors.
"OH COME ON!"
Sounds of crashing inside the building indicated the inner doors
that had been replaced may have been broken as well.
“WHY?!”
"Whoops, might have miscalculated the rebound."
From the purple gap that seemed to have redirected Marisa's
egress, Yukari stuck her head out and waved. Withdrawing her head, the gap
closed and reopened next to Reimu, and Yukari's hand shot out and swiped
Reimu’s discarded saucer.
"Still, I'm hurt you two didn't wait for me."
"We didn't know you were coming." Reimu grunted,
stealing Marisa's saucer. "Speaking of which, where the hell were you
today? We had a full blown revolution happen and you didn't show. Even Yuyuko
showed up, though she didn't do anything."
"I was doing stuff. And things. I am a very busy woman, you
know." Pouted Yukari.
"Godsdamnit!” Reimu threw up her arms “This is just like the
noodle incident all over again! I'm not gonna put up with-"
Without warning, a purple gap appeared over Reimu's mouth, cutting
off all sound. Reimu reacted appropriately, reeling back and swatting at the
edge of the gap.
"Now Reimu, everyone knows you don't mention the details of
the Noodle Incident. What would the tropers think? Incidentally, I brought a
gift."
From behind her back Yukari produced... a lampshade.
"A perfect presentation of a lampshade, if I do say so
myself."
From the direction of the shrine, Marisa began cackling, signaling
her return to consciousness. Reimu, having given up on trying to remove the gap
attached to her mouth, threw a yin-yang orb in her general direction, and the
cackling turned to coughing.
"... No opinion? Well that's fine." Yukari stated,
nonplussed. "I got a few other ones you can have as well. Let me know what
you think."
Marisa finally reappeared from the shrine, hat slightly askew. She
took one look at Reimu's current state and doubled over laughing, weakly
batting aside the yin-yang orbs thrown in her direction.
"Anyway, it was hardly as bad as you make it sound. This is
an adventure-friendly world after all.” Frowning at the lampshade in her hands,
Yukari turned it over a few times, examining it from all angles. “Ooh, this one
was a bit bland, but it seems like such a staple."
At this point, Reimu had crossed her arms and was tapping her
foot, a sign that she was reluctantly listening to Yukari albeit against her
will. She made no move to accept the proffered lampshade, so Marisa took it and
hung it on her hat.
"Besides, it was just a bit of fun, nothing nefarious. This
is a land of blue and orange morality after all.” Yukari produced an off color
lampshade with a mix of blue and green shades next, spinning it on her wrist.
“Hm, this one's a bit weird to look at, but it makes sense. Kinda."
This lampshade was placed on top of the previous one, upside down.
"Not to mention having me around to do everything starts
messing with everything, given the continuity creep thing that's been happening
recently. Oh, this will look good on you."
The last lampshade was placed on the gap over Reimu's mouth
somehow, and Reimu's voice came out of the end of it, sounding as if she were
speaking in a can.
"-and I'm gonna shove these orbs right- oh, goodie, you
somehow made this more annoying. Get this damn thing off me before I lose it
and start shooting!"
Adopting an innocent expression, Yukari pursed her lips. "Oh,
was that the problem? Well, why didn't you say so?" With a snap of her
fingers, the gap (and attached lampshade) fell off. "I guess I'll just
drop off the rest of my presents into your room if you're going to be so
grumpy. Be sure to look through them and tell me what you think later,
'kay?"
Reimu glared balefully at Yukari. "Okay, so then why are you
here anyway, aside from your daily dose of pissing me off?"
To both Reimu and Marisa's surprise, Yukari immediately became
serious. "I'll get right to it then. Marisa, it seems like your escapades
today have borne an unexpected fruit."
Marisa tilted her head. "Apples?"
"Only if you're a misinformed Christian." Yukari shot
back without pause. "To be more specific, it's the result of showing off
so much during a 'Faith gathering religious festival' that's become a
problem."
Marisa tilted her head to the other side. "How'zat
exactly?"
"Of the participants in the festivities, you shone more
prominently while also lacking an actual religious affiliation. The Kappa
withdrew early in the day, Yuyuko ate hers somehow, and the Hell Raven is just
a bit more explosive than usual. And that's the problem, actually. Tell me,
what do you plan to do with all the faith you collected?"
Marisa looked confused, but quickly took on a sly expression.
"Depends. What can I do with it?"
"In the interest of not wrecking Gensokyo's power balance,
I'd advise against trying to create a new god." Yukari breezily replied.
"Likewise, handing it all over to some divine spirit is inadvisable. We
hardly need a second Kanako."
"Ooh, wait! Can I get a powerup? You mentioned that Reimu got
one a while back!" Marisa's eyes glowed. Literally, a vermillion tinge
lighting from her eye sockets. Of further note was the distant crack of thunder
that sounded out, and a soft scream of "UNLIMITED... POWER!" Sounding
out at the edge of everyone's hearing.
It should be noted that Marisa's "dramatic integrity"
was easily sacrificed if the results were considered sufficiently
"awesome". Questions directed to Marisa about the specifics of this
"Scale of Awesome" were invariably met with a smirk and a cryptic
response.
"I could always tell, but it's more fun to show. The better
question is: which spellcards did Auntie Marisa make in advance, and what
specific way to I need to kick your ass in order to use one of them?"
To date, the public count of takers had reached double digits and
no pattern to what scenarios had been prepared for had been found.
"I know it's pointless to ask, but I'll do it anyway. What in
the world was that one supposed to be for?" Reimu asked, face in her
hands.
"Learning to shoot lightning." Marisa shrugged.
"Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt!" Turning to Yukari,
she raised an eyebrow.
...
"What are you buying?" Asked the Sage of Youkai.
"What are you selling?" Asked the Magus of Madness.
"What are you doing?" Asked Reimu.
...
"Yeah no, the moment's gone." Marisa sighed. "I'm
gonna err on the side of chaos and take the decision out of my hands. Surprise
me."
"I know I should be feeling relieved that Marisa's not in
charge of this," Reimu sighed, "But the fact that It's because she
handed the reins over to Yukari isn't really all that much better."
“Ah well” Yukari sighed, “I’m sure I could
think of something suitable.”
“Right, so blame the next incident on you.
Don’t think I didn’t notice you dodging the question, Yukari” Reimu growled.
“This was a giant pain in the ass that could have caused a bunch of problem for
everyone. Where were you?”
“Avoiding yet another cliche plot line.” Yukari
shrugged. “We are the Eastern Wonderland after all, and I refuse to support
journeying westward, Buddha and Immortal seeking factions be damned.”
...
“Ok... that was obscure even for you...” Reimu
began slowly, not seeing Marisa’s thoughtful expression behind her. “You know
what, I don’t care. I feel like knowing would only give me more reason to hate
you and my life.” Likewise, she didn’t pay mind to Marisa snapping her fingers
and pulling out a small book from her hat.
Yukari shrugged. “I suppose that’s your prerogative. It’s harmless
monkeying around anyway.” A glint appeared in her eye. “Still, it makes a good
joke, doesn’t it? A Buddhist, a Taoist, and a serpent goddess walk into a bar.
The evil emotions leave, the moon picks up a rabbit, and the sun picks up a
raven. Who gets what they want?”
“Aren’t you short a tortoise?” Marisa asked,
stowing away the book in her hat.
“Isn’t that your fault?” Quipped Yukari.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Marisa replied breezily. “On a side note, is there any point in throwing down
with Yuuka right now?”
“Yuuka?” Reimu blinked in surprise. “What does
she have to do with any of this?”
“Is that going to stop you from doing it
anyway?” Yukari asked knowingly.
“Nope.”
“Then I should warn you that if you take it too
far, you’ll discover immortality applies only to some souls, and little else.
Otherwise, have fun with that.” Yukari waved the matter aside. “Well, that was
pretty much all I came here for. Any questions?”
“Yes” growled Reimu. “First: wha-“
“Good!” Interrupted Yukari, clapping her hands.
“Well, I have to see a girl about a magical orb that takes her to wonderland,
so I can figure out how to murder the hell out of a rabbit. Tata!”
And with that, a gap opened up beneath the Sage of the Youkai,
allowing her to fall through, before closing again. Reimu and Marisa stared at
the spot where Yukari disappeared.
“... OK, what the actual fu-“
