Solar Sect of Mystic Wisdom ~ Nuclear Fusion

[0:00] (Utsuho) Huh, that’s powerful, but that’s still nothing

(Marisa) Well, let’s bring the heat!

(Alice) My dolls are burning!

You two, get away!

(Reimu) The heat’s getting worse

(Nitori) This is exciting!

(Aya) I’ll record it first!

[0:22] (Utsuho) Let’s go! Feel the heat of the sun!

(Alice) You two, get down! She’s charging!

(Suika) Here she comes!

(Marisa) Alright then guys, what is this god’s power?

(Yukari) Untold heating along with high pressure

[0:43] (Nitori) It is supposed to give us untold access to energy

(Reimu) Yeah, I think we are seeing some of that now. Aya, I need speed

[0:55] (Aya) Sure thing. So how strong does she seem?

(Marisa) Enough. This fight won’t be easy

(Utsuho) Alright, [Nuclear Excursion]!

(Marisa) Aw crap. Hold that thought, I’m going in

-Marisa charges. Reimu follows and pulls her back-

[1:28] (Reimu) Don’t just charge in! That’s stupid and reckless!

Just hang back here and she will tire of this

(Nitori) I don’t think so. Her power’s infinite

(Yukari) Not exactly, but there’s a high limit

[1:51] (Marisa) You see, Reimu? We gotta end this fast

I’ll distract her, then you can rush right past

(Suika) Here’s some support. I’m lowering the pressure

Marisa) When you get past, turn around and shoot her

[2:12] (Utsuho) Hey, what are you guys planning now?

[Hell and Heaven Meltdown]

(Marisa) I don’t think we are getting around that one

(Reimu) Marisa, just run!

[2:24] (Utsuho) Feel the power of the sun god!

[Blazing Star: Ten Evil Suns]!

(Marisa) Hey, I’ve got a [Blazing Star] too!

(Reimu) Idiot! That’s not the way to run!

-More dodging mini-suns-

[3:07] (Utsuho) Here is [Hell’s Artificial sun]

(Marisa) You know, all heat aside this fight is fun

(Reimu) Yukari, stop gapping me upside down!

(Yukari) I’m just telling you where you can now run

[3:29] (Alice) Can you two simply focus? She’s approaching, you might notice

(Utsuho) Alright, this is the end to both of you now. Here’s [Hell’s Takamak]!

[3:41] (Marisa) More suns? They’re annoying to dodge

(Alice) Move close to throw her focus off

[3:53] (Reimu) Enough! [Spirit Sign: Yin-Yang Orbs]!

(Marisa) Head shot!

(Reimu) I can’t hear them talk anymore

-Later-

[4:15] (Patchouli) I have returned! The crow must have 3 legs!

(Yukari) She’s a raven, and she’s been defeated

(Marisa) Really Patchy, are you trying at all?

(Patchouli) What do you mean? How did you defeat it?

-Rin enters-

[4:35] (Reimu) We just shot her until I knocked her out

(Marisa) Hey, it sounds like she’s finally coming round

(Reimu) Alright Raven, stop the evil spirits

(Utsuho) Vengeful spirits? That means Orin did it

[4:59] (Reimu) It’s the Kasha?

(Rin) Heh, well you see…

Don’t tell Miss Satori!

(Satori) No need. I’ve been here the whole time after all

You two, come with me

-Satori, Utsuho and Rin exit-

(Marisa) Floor clear! Can we warp to the start?

(Yukari) After you replay it on hard

(Reimu) Enough, just get us out of here!

It’s too hot for your nonsense and snark!

Timeline

Hellfire Mantle

-Utsuho enters-

[0:25] (Utsuho) Orin said that there was somebody looking for me down here

(Marisa) So, are you the final boss?

(Nitori) Is that the crow? She’s here! It’s her, isn’t it Aya?

(Aya) Looks like it. She has appeared!

[0:41] (Marisa) Well, I’m glad you’re happy. Are you drinking something?

(Nitori) No, but we’re meeting her first!

(Utsuho) Oh, so people know of me, even above ground?

(Alice) Ask her about the geysers!

[1:22] (Reimu) So the Kasha said that you ate something weird last week

(Yukari) My, what was that doing here?

(Utsuho) I was given the power of the Yagaratsu!

My power is to be feared!

[1:37] (Aya) So, what is next for you? The news will report on it

(Utsuho) I’ll go up and burn the world!

(Reimu) Not if we both stop you. I won’t allow incidents

(Aya) “God vs 2 human girls”…

-Sheer chaos-

[2:18] (Marisa) Wait a second. You don’t know the rules. We solve things in a duel

(Utsuho) Oh, so you fight with a game?

(Alice) She really stopped

(Yukari) Of course. God or not, she’s a raven

(Reimu) So she’s still just a birdbrain?

[2:35] (Marisa) … And then you use a spellcard to show off a pattern

(Utsuho) Got it! So when do we start?

(Marisa) Well, typically someone goes up for a quick cheap shot

Speaking of which, [Master Spark]!

[3:15] (Reimu) Ladies and gents, that is the #2 resolver

What a role model for all

(Yukari) Just get in there. That god may be rather troublesome

(Alice) Reimu, there’s no time to stall

[3:31] (Patchouli) So, a Yagaratsu… I recall astronomy

But one become like a god…

Sakuya, let’s go back. I need more references

(Alice) Her combat methods are flawed

Timeline

Corpse Voyage ~ Be of Good Cheer!

[0:00] (Rin) Alright, let’s start! Get in my cart!

[0:12] I saw your fight before, but that’s not good enough

All Miss Satori’s pets eat spirits and they power up

Okyuu ate something weird. That’s why it got so hot

Beating her will probably take more than what you’ve got

[0:37] (Suika) Hey, that sounds like lots of fun. Can we go down?

(Yukari) It’s too late to add party members now

(Marisa) Well, guess I might have to get serious

There’s no way a Youkai will defeat both of us

[1:14] Nitori, where are the rockets?

(Nitori) Save the power for the final stage

(Marisa) So the big boss is up this way?

(Alice) This boss isn’t that bad. Just shoot her to the side

She will hit that corner soon, so fight

(Rin) That may work against other Youkai, but I will be alright

[1:39] Can’t hit a cat!

(Marisa) Then I’ll use that!

[1:51] Here’s [Artful Sacrifice]! … I think I did that right…

(Alice) You lack delicacy, but I guess you got her

(Reimu) Even more explosions. Why am I not surprised?

(Alice) Because an idiot only relies on power

[2:15] (Patchouli) Here! “Kasha feed upon bodies buried.

Place a rock in the coffin to fool them”

(Rin) Actually, I eat spirits, not the corpse

It sounds like that’s just a superstition

(Marisa) Again?

[2:53] (Rin) Alright then, I’ll get Okyuu

She should meet you right here in a few

Try to keep your bodies, you two

(Marisa) Alright then Nitori, what are we both in for?

Why are you guys worried about her?

(Nitori) We’ve been told that somebody down here has “Ultimate Power”

Timeline

Lullaby of Deserted Hell

[0:23] (Marisa) Whew, is it hot or what?

(Reimu) I wish I’d worn summer clothes

(Yukari) Those are winter ones? Your arms are always exposed

(Reimu) I wore this when I was fighting Yuyuko in the spring

(Marisa) They look the same. Your style’s so boring

[0:44] (Patchouli) Marisa, Data. Now

(Marisa) Hold on, there’s nobody here

(Patchouli) What about the heat?

(Marisa) Way too hot. Now I’m thirsty

Reimu, hand me that thermos there.

(Reimu) Don’t forget, she filled it

With a cup of boiling tea

[1:23] (Aya) So, what’s the underground like? It’d make a decent piece

(Marisa) It’s just way too hot and there’s some weird burning smell

(Suika) Guess it hasn’t changed all that much. That was what it was like

Back when we still called it Former Hell

[1:44] (Reimu) So, this used to be hell? Does that mean that Yama’s here?

(Suika) Nay, they all packed up. We were left in charge after

(Marisa) Hey Nitori, is something up? You’ve been way too quiet

(Reimu) Yeah, is something the matter?

[2:05] (Nitori) Nothing’s wrong. Hey, you said that it’s hot. Is it still getting hotter?

(Marisa) Yeah, I guess it is. Guess this place heats the geyser

(Nitori) Hey Aya… that thing from last week. You don’t think maybe she…?

(Aya) Oh. If she did, that’d be a story

[2:25] (Reimu) You two, what’s going on?

(Nitori) Oh, nothing. Just mountain stuff

(Yukari) Is there something wrong?

(Aya) Well... We’ll see. This might get tough

(Reimu) I swear if this is a setup, I will have to get rough

And the culprit may not be enough

[2:47] (Yuugi) Good job guys, way to scare everyone!

(Suika) Now it sounds like this is getting fun!

-searching-

[3:20] (Marisa) Hey, it’s that weird cat again. What is it doing down here?

Do we smell like fish?

(Nitori) No, the backpack comes up clear

(Rin) I prefer corpses anyway.

(Marisa) Oh. So then in that case

This is the place that you come to play?

[3:41] (Reimu) Hey, does anyone else care that this girl’s not a cat?

(Rin) I can take both forms. There is nothing wrong with that

Don’t you know that Kasha can shift? It helps with work a bit

(Patchouli) Strange. I shall go research it

-Rin runs off. Marisa and Reimu pursue-

[4:20] (Marisa) Wait! It’s too hot for tag

(Reimu) That’s what you’re trying to do?

(Marisa) Yeah, what about you?

(Reimu) She’s a pet. So we should shoot!

That mistress of the Earth Spirits said that her pets did it

So beating them should solve the issue!

[4:41] (Rin) Wait, so you guys are here because there is a problem?

(Reimu) Vengeful spirits came out of our brand new onsen!

(Rin) Oh, that. I can see the issue. Tell ya what, I’ll lead you

To my friend. Her name’s Okyuu

[5:02] (Reimu) Right. Let’s go beat her up. Then we can get out of here

(Rin) Wait, that’s your big plan? Both of you don’t stand a chance

If I want to get your bodies, I can’t let you two leave

You guys will have to first deal with me

[5:23] (Reimu) Fine, but don’t run away. It’s too hot to start a chase

(Alice) You guys, hurry up. There is no more time to waste

(Aya) Yeah, it sounds like her, Nitori. I guess that we will see

If it worked out like she said

(Reimu) Seriously, tell us what’s going on!

(Nitori) Maybe after the Kasha is gone

Timeline

Fight Me Like You Mean It (A Touhou Marisa parody of “Love Me Like You Mean it” by Kelsea Ballerini)

Oh hey, so you’re new around here?

Let me make myself clear. If you want to fight today

I’mma shoot you straight up. Show me what you’re made of

I don’t have time to waste on someone who’s not playing the game

And acting like they’ve got nothing to explain

So tell me Youkai, do you got what it takes?

If you’re gonna duel me, duel me. No retreating

If you’re gonna brag, then make sure I believe it

If you don’t give me your best, then start conceding

If you’re gonna fight me, fight me like you mean it

If you’re using spellcards, better make them special

But remember each of needs to have a loophole

This ain’t just a game, this is what we believe in

 If you’re gonna fight me now, fight me like you mean it

Okay, each card duel needs a loser. It may be you first

But it’s a beginner’s mistake

Just come on right back, come back and attack

Me one more time and

let’s waste some more time in this serious game

Even nonlethal can bring on the pain

The key is power, so bring it now or

Go home for today

If you’re gonna duel me, duel me. No retreating

If you’re gonna brag, then make sure I believe it

If you don’t give me your best, then start conceding

If you’re gonna fight me, fight me like you mean it

If you got a power, don’t be shy to use it

If you got an exploit, make sure you abuse it

If you don’t, then you are gonna be defeated

If you’re gonna fight me now, fight me like you mean it

If you’re gonna fit in, fit in one spellcard duel

If you’re gonna listen, listen to the card rules

If you don’t, you’re gonna get exterminated

Don’t believe me? Here, let me just demonstrate it

If you’re gonna show your stuff, then go in all out

If you’re gonna blow things up, then clean the fallout

This ain’t just a game, this is what we believe in

If you’re gonna fight me now, fight me like you mean it

Satori Maiden ~ 3rd Eye

[0:00] (Satori) So, are you looking for Nirvana way down here?

I’m afraid that I can’t help you, there’s some confusion

“Satori” is the name of my kind, you see

(Marisa) Oh, don’t worry. That’s normal for Patchy

[0:13] (Alice) Oh, just ask about the geyser already!

(Reimu) How did you know that I was feeling a little thirsty?

(Marisa) Get with the program, she reads minds psychically

(Satori) That is my race’s sole ability

[0:39] Well it would seem you know nothing about these geysers

Why is it that you have come here? Ah, vengeful spirits came up?

Yes, it’s clear that its origin is down below us

My pet may know that’s going on, but it’s been days since I’ve seen her

[1:07] Well, I can take care of this matter but I see

That you have no intention of leaving here peacefully

I suppose now a spellcard duel must commence

(Marisa) Come on, let us finish one measly sentence!

[1:20] (Satori) Now, let me see the trauma that lies in your hearts

Recall the people that you have fought and their patterns

(Aya) Hey, if you’re in Marisa’s head, what’s her endgame?

(Satori) Complete randomness, from what I discern

[1:32] (Reimu) Well, now I see why she may be despised by others

(Marisa) She’s in my head? What should I do?

(Alice) Don’t panic now, Marisa

(Nitori) She can’t see where I’m aiming, so I’ll take over

(Satori) Now lie awake forevermore and witness your hearts own trauma

-[Recollection: Border of Wave and Particle]-

[2:01] (Marisa) Hey, I recognize this. Isn’t this Yukari’s?

(Yukari) She takes copyrighted patterns with the utmost ease

But you two should review the original

There are mistakes that make it too easy, as you might have seen

-[Recollection: Wind God Hidden Among Tree Leaves]-

[2:14] (Reimu) Hey, isn’t this Aya’s? But something feels wrong here

(Satori) “It’s not as fast as it should be”. Yes, I can’t match that speed

(Marisa) So Aya, your patterns are real amateur

(Aya) Hey, if you can’t do it don’t copy me!

-[Recollection: Return Inanimateness]-

[2:40] (Reimu) … So I’ve noticed all these patterns are way too easy

(Marisa) Without the dolls that can blow up, Alice’s patterns just suck

(Alice) Take that back! Finesse is something you still don’t get

(Satori) I suppose that the same holds true for all the patterns I have left

[3:09] Then, let us go to the courtyard so you can see

What my pets may be doing to set all the Onryou free

Ah, here’s a thermos. Please return it later

I offered it because you thought “I’m still thirsty”

-Satori exits-

[3:22] (Yukari) See? You will never get to say anything there

(Reimu) Sure, and it’s not because she can see what you’re plotting?

(Aya) Hey Marisa, mind going back for a bit?

(Marisa) No, lying against her just isn’t fair

[3:34] (Patchouli) I have returned! “Against one who has achieve true peace

Entreaty them to step aside, and all resistance shall cease”

(Alice) You’re too late. And “Satori” was just her species

(Marisa) They can read minds with their third eye, so get with the program Patchy!

Timeline

Heartfelt Fancy

[0:17] (Marisa) Alright then, let’s start looking for loot

(Alice) Did you forget what you’re doing? Go and ask about the geyser!

(Marisa) Patchy, who will we find here?

(Patchouli) Earth Spirits… perhaps Golems or Gargoyles will soon see fit to appear

-girls are exploring-

[0:53] (Reimu) Over there! There’s a cat

(Yukari) Speaking of which, who knows where our own has gone

… oh, carry on

[1:11] (Reimu) Well anyway, let’s chase it. It must belong to someone

[1:46] (Marisa) Crap, lost it.

(Aya) Need more speed?

(Reimu) Hey, knock it off! Don’t do that if there’s no need

(Yukari) Well then, proceed

[2:06] (Marisa) Hey, I’m lost. How do we leave?

-Satori enters-

[2:29] (Satori) May I ask what you are doing here?

(Suika) There she is!

It’s about time that the mistress of the Earth Spirit mansion appeared!

(Satori) Oh, how strange. That wasn’t you.

I wonder, who could have said that if it wasn’t within the minds of you two?

[2:54] (Marisa) Hey, what is she talking about?

(Yukari) A Satori can turn your mind inside out

(Patchouli) Hmm, a “Satori”? Not a golem, so let’s see…

[3:05] (Satori) Oh, I see. They’re not here. You are speaking from afar

So why are you here?

(Marisa) We’re visiting

(Satori) Oh? But that’s not what you’re thinking

[3:39] Shall we talk over tea?

(Reimu) It’s annoying how she is kinda pushy

(Patchouli) I can’t find it, Enlightenment. Sakuya, we’re going back for a bit

Timeline

A Flower Studded Sake Dish on Mt. Ooe

[0:00] (Yuugi) So, you guys aren’t here to party.

That’s a shame. So how can I help you?

(Yukari) The vengeful spirits have broken loose

[0:14] The deal was that you’d keep them pacified

But a great number have made it outside

(Yuugi) What? Evil spirits have made it outside? You sure?

Well in that case, I guess it’s her

[0:26] (Suika) Ah, is she still living in that mansion?

(Yuugi) Yeah, nothing much has changed since you went up

(Reimu) Well, in that case take us to where this person is

(Yukari) Not so fast.

(Yuugi) Yeah, that won’t be enough

[0:39] Oni can’t resist a good challenge.

We were fighting just now, remember?

As Suika’s friends, be as strong as her!

[0:53] Alright, come at me with all that you’ve got!

(Patchouli) You will regret that. Marisa, charge!

(Alice) You know, this is the most worked up I’ve seen Patchouli

(Sakuya) She gets this way around Oni

[1:05] (Yuugi) Come on, Red-and-White. You’re not joining in?

(Reimu) Those 4 idiots are more than enough

(Marisa) Come on Reimu! This is all just one big strength challenge

Ya gotta prove that you’re tough

[1:17] (Alice) I resent being called an idiot

(Reimu) That wasn’t you, I counted Yukari

(Yukari) Reimu, I’ll save you! Here’s an emergency teleport!

(Yuyuko) Reimu, the shrine’s out of green tea

[1:30] (Reimu) Wait, you guys are having tea at my house?

(Yuugi) Ooh, that sounds fun. Can I join after this?

(Yukari) Very well, as long as you don’t break anything

(Yuugi) Alright then, that is a promise

[1:42] (Reimu) Can we get back to what we’re doing?

(Patchouli) Marisa, get back in position! Now, [Royal Flare]!

(Yuugi) Ooh, missed by a hair

[1:56] (Suika) Get them Yuugi!

(Reimu) Hey wait, you’re helping us out!

Aya, can you lend me some support now?

(Aya) Well, here’s some speed, so you can try to just rush past

(Reimu) Wait, cut it out! That’s way too fast!

[2:09] (Yuugi) Oh, nice try red-and-white

(Reimu) My name is Reimu!

(Yuugi) So, that power is from a crow tengu?

Hey, teach her to control her speed when she gets back

(Patchouli) Marisa, she’s distracted! Now attack!

[2:21] (Yuugi) Oh, a solid blow. I am impressed

Alright then, let’s go to the mansion

And after that, it’s time to party!

[2:35] (Marisa) Do we get XP without beating her?

(Alice) Could be a story battle. I’m not sure

(Yukari) [Yuugi Hoshiguma has entered the party]

(Marisa) Well, that’s good enough for floor 3

[2:47] (Patchouli) Marisa, quick while her back’s turned to you

(Yukari) [Friendly Fire is now against the rules]

(Yuugi) Sounds like there’s someone looking for a fight up there

(Patchouli) Both of you are being fools

[2:58] (Yuugi) Anyway, this is the place up ahead

Welcome to the Palace of Earth Spirits

Anyway, I’m heading up to the surface now.

Gotta party for a bit

[3:12] (Suika) Hah. You made it without spilling a drop

(Yuugi) Sake this good can’t be wasted, you know

(Yukari) By the way, do you know where the shrine is above ground?

(Yuugi) Suika will tell me where to go

Timeline

Kill You Again (A Touhou Parody of "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa)

It’s been a long day without you, my friend

Maybe I’ll tell you about it when I “see” you again

We’ve come a long way from where it began

Yeah, I’ll reminisce about it when I “see” you again

When I kill you again

Yes, who knew, all the things we’d do

The things we’ve been through

That I would end up right here, sitting on you

Until you come back, recovering from all of that

Everyone says that good things never last

They say time kills everything, looking at the bigger picture

But all these days we live in this way

Tells me we can live life at our pace

I would have never admitted that I was lonely before

But that went away when you charged in through my door

And this rivalry goes on forevermore

It’s been a long day without you, my friend

Maybe I’ll tell you about it when I “see” you again

We’ve come a long way from where it began

Yeah, I’ll reminisce about it when I “see” you again

When I kill you again

[Ohs]

I think it was that first day when you caught me by surprise

You attacked me with a fire held in your heart and eyes

And I tried to get you back, and it was then I realized

You were immortal in your soul, the Hourai Immortality

You had to live forever in the same manner as me

You could take what I could dish out, so let’s fight eternally

How can we not talk about this when this bond is all we’ve got?

These last centuries were the best in my whole life

I remember that each time I die

So come to Eientei

Let’s fight all over Gensokyo

Oh, I see you’re awake. Might as well go home

It’s been a long day without you, my friend

Let’s meet up here tomorrow so we can do this again

We’ve come a long way from where it began

Let’s just reminisce about it when we meet here again

And I’ll kill you again

[Ohs]

I’m Still Alive (A Touhou Parody of “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor)

(Mukou) At first it was just rage that fueled the fire inside

I swore that I would never give up until you had died

I spent so many nights thinking how you did my father wrong

And it consumed me, I couldn’t give up and move on

And then I heard you went to space

You left that draught of immortality so I chose to give chase

I should have never gone to sleep, I should have never listened to

That lying goddess of the mountain, because now I’m the same as you

After 3 drops, I had control

My body became just a vessel for my soul

It comes back slowly every time I try to die

I sat here waiting, looking at that empty sky

Yes, that’s my life. I’m still alive

Oh, I spent 300 years trying to fight against Youkai

I don’t have reason to live, but that’s all that I have left

With the Hourai, it’s not like you can wish for death

After 600 years alone, I came to this place

I chose to keep living on, despite my broken fate

And after 300 more years just staring up at that far moon

Who should I find out here but my nemesis, you!

In that instant, I struck you down

I believed it was finally over when you hit the ground

But after several days of emptiness, you came back and killed me

And it was in that moment I noticed your immortality

And so we went for centuries

Every few days, killing each other endlessly

I know it’s pointless, but I felt that I should try

I thought perhaps one day one of us would give up and die

But as you can see, I’m still alive

And as long as I still remember, I will burn deep inside

That’s the reason I still live, the things I cannot forgive

And I’ll survive. I will survive

You sent those two and we fought more

And then Eientei started opening its doors

After a 1000 years, I’m ready to live life again

I guess my new hobby is acting as a cheap escort

Yes, that’s my life. I’m still alive

It’s surprising that after all this, I care to live out a life

I still choose to continue, I still try to kill you too

But still I’m glad that you didn’t go to the moon

You know, this isn’t all that bad, my life up to this day

It’s not like it really matters, since I’ll always stay

After spending 900 years just feeling sorry for myself

I am relieved that I’m just like somebody else

Eternity, a cursed fate

Even after 1000 years, I don’t think it’s too late

I think I can let that rage go, but I won’t let you off easy

You are still my eternal rival and you keep on killing me!

In Gensokyo, past that sealed door

I’m still surviving, just killing you forevermore

You were the one who led to how I lost my life

But after all this time, I feel that I am still alive

I won’t say that I will survive

I think at this point in time I say that I am still alive

I’ve got a reason to live, I’ve got many things to give

Because I’m alive, I am still alive

Walking the Streets of Former Hell

[0:12] (Nitori) Marisa, the battery’s low. You’ll have to wait on those missiles

It recharges with your magic, so it’s charging. Give it a few minutes or so

[0:25] (Reimu) So we just hit a big city. Is this the place we’re supposed to be?

Suika, can you lead us to where we are going?

(Patchouli) You won’t get answers from the Oni

[0:38] Well, that’s odd. It says Hashihime are water gods

(Nitori) No way in hell. That’s our turf, so back off!

[1:02] (Reimu) Now somebody’s blocking the road

(Yukari) Reimu, check is she has a horn

(Reimu) Yeah, she’s got one on her head. So she’s a target?

(Yukari) If you want to try it, be my guest

[1:15] (Yuugi) Oh, so you’re here for a fight I see. Well then, let’s see what you do to me

(Aya) Something about that voice seems way too familiar

Do you recognize it, Nitori?

[1:28] (Nitori) Hold that thought. Marisa, what the hell?!

Your readings are off the charts, you know?!

(Marisa) Is that so? I’m doing a quick experiment

using up my Mini-hakkero

(Nitori) Cut it out! You’re overloading the radio pack!

If you don’t so something, it will blow!

(Marisa) Well then, here’s an overpowered rocked salvo!

(Yuugi) Oh, looks like you guys are good to go

-Girls are fighting-

[2:06] Hey, for humans you guys aren’t that bad.

Tell you what, let’s make this interesting

One of my weaknesses is that I hate soybeans

Alright then, let’s get to partying

[2:19] (Patchouli) Perhaps this one’s a unicorn… wait a moment, weak to soybeans?

Marisa, is your opponent drinking sake?

(Marisa) Yeah, without a single break between

[2:31] (Yukari) Yes, you guessed it. She’s an Oni just like Suika

(Patchouli) There are… two here?! Then it’s as bad as I feared

[4:56] Marisa, [Deploy Magic Stones]. Your crassness pays off, finally

(Suika) Why is that magician making such a racket? Hey, wait a second. Is that Yuugi?

[3:08] (Yuugi) Oh, is there someone who knows my name?

Wait a second, that drunken voice…

Hey Suika, it’s been a while! Where are you at?

(Suika) Above ground, watching your little game

[3:20] (Yuugi) So you noticed my little challenge

Hey, about the mountain: How are things?

(Suika) They could be much better.

I called out the Kappa and Tengu for all their slacking

[3:33] (Nitori) We’re not slacking!

(Aya) We are working hard!

(Yuugi) Need me to come up to bust some heads?

(Yukari) We had an agreement. That is why we came here

By the way, about the vengeful dead…

Timeline

Some Day (Touhou Parody of “Pompeii” by Bastille)

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

(Maribel) We wander left to our own devices

Many days spent hoping for something to show

On a lake enshrouded with mist, a scarlet tint rose up

Great clouds roll over the waves, bringing darkness from above

And when I close my eyes, I can see gods dancing on mountains in fall

I only close my eyes, and I can see places I’ve never seen before

(Renko) So then Merry, what do you think about this?

Do you think that world you saw then really exists?

(Maribel) Exploring and dreaming are some of our vices

We believe there are things unseen all around us

And the moon cracked up in the sky, raining fragments down below

A voice whispered in my ear that “This land is Gensokyo”

And then I closed my eyes and I saw a ghost lay between life and death

And as I closed my eyes, I saw a tree wither away forevermore

(Renko) That’s no fair Merry. You gotta let me in on this!

(Maribel) Well, let’s try sharing dreams again till we got this

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

(Renko) So, will it let us in? This world you keep seeing?

(Maribel) Somehow, I think it will if we keep on dreaming

(Yuyuko) So what do you think about these intruders, Yukari?

-((Maribel) Look at this giant tree!

-(Renko) Don’t get too close, Merry!

(Yukari) I told her all she needed to know. Leave them be

-(Maribel) But look at those branches! It’s just like in my dream!

That time I closed my eyes, I saw it blooming with cherry blossoms here

And magic filled the skies. All those flashing lights within a Sakura storm

How can you be so calm when we can clearly see this?!

We finally have proof of all my dream’s existence

(Yukari) When I close my eyes, I can almost feel like nothing’s changed at all

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o.

Eh-eh-o, eh-o. Eh-eh-o, eh-o

Green-Eyed Jealousy

[0:00] (Reimu) Hey, you said the Youkai are hated around here

But this one is really normal. Why is she so despised

(Yukari) Just wait until you look into her eyes

[0:17] (Parsee) So, what makes you jealous? A rival or old foe?

(Marisa) That’s it! Reimu’s stuff is so cool, but I can’t borrow them

Because I’m not the miko!

 [0:35] All the sweets that you can eat AND any scent that you like?

(Nitori) Uh, Marisa? Are you okay?

(Marisa) Right then, Reimu let’s fight!

[0:53] (Yukari) Hey Reimu, I’ll lend you support. Here’s a Panic Teleport

(Reimu) Yukari, that’s useless! I can’t tell where I am. Wait, where is she?

(Nitori) She turned on my op-cam

(Alice) She hijacked the dolls. I’ve lost control on those ones

(Reimu) Just great. I better shoot them down. Ah, there’s the rockets

(Parsee) That looks quite fun

[1:29] (Aya) Hey Nitori, pan to the left. This shot is framed perfectly

(Marisa) Here I come, Reimu! [Blazing Star]!

(Reimu) Shoot her! Don’t go for me!

[1:47] (Patchouli) Ah, thank you Sakuya. Now let’s see, this Youkai

(Marisa) And your power is too OP! Someone should nerf your floating and cheating ability!

[2:05] (Reimu) Marisa, that’s it. You want a taste of my shots?!

Here is [Fantasy Heaven]! So, if that’s all you want, here’s all I got!

[2:23] (Marisa) Hah, that card’s so cheap every time. It’s too fun to see used

(Reimu) Hey, are you normal after all? You seemed to have issues

[2:40] (Marisa) Huh, I just felt so mad, so I went after ya

Sorry for the friendly fire. I wonder why I snapped out of it so suddenly?

[2:58] (Patchouli) The gaze of that girl causes one to be jealous

If her eyes are closed for a while, the effect expires, as does the new jealousy

[3:16] (Marisa) Oh, right? Where did that girl go to?

(Aya) She’s there, in the river

(Marisa) Huh, I guess when Reimu threw that tantrum, the shots hit her

Timeline

The Bridge People No Longer Cross

-Girls are traveling-

[0:19] (Marisa) Right then Patchy, what do you think the next boss will be?

(Patchouli) I need info. What landmarks are near where you will go?

-Girls are exploring-

[0:35] (Marisa) I see a bridge up there

(Patchouli) There may be a troll, so beware

(Yukari) That’s incorrect. She’s a Youkai who causes jealousy

[1:21] (Patchouli) What’s her species name?

(Suika) I heard that she’s a Hashihime

(Patchouli) I must research this. Sakuya, please gather up this list

[2:06] (Reimu) Well, we’ll just fly over

(Marisa) Are you nuts? We gotta fight to get through

(Reimu) Why would we do that?

(Marisa) If we don’t, we won’t beat Level 2!

[2:42] (Parsee) What brings humans here?

(Aya) Hey Reimu, is she interesting?

(Marisa) Just a trip down here today

(Parsee) I’m jealous. Having fun in that way

[3:09] (Marisa) Ah, right. About that… the main point is shooting everyone

(Yukari) You’re the next target

(Parsee) I’m jealous that you’re fighting 2-on-1

Timeline

The Sealed-Away Youkai ~ Lost Place

[0:00] (Yamame) It’s been a while since I sickened humans, so enjoy!

[0:02] [Miasma: Unexplained Fever], so are you feeling any weaker?

(Marisa) No, I am fine. Guess that’s it

(Reimu) Idiots never get sick

[0:14] (Yamame) Alright then, [Miasma Sign: Filled Miasma]!

(Marisa) I gotta remember that one. It looks pretty cool

Danmaku’s about power, so here’s a taste!

Lasers and explosions can get through any duel

[0:26] (Yamame) Hey! Watch what you’re doing! Be more careful!

You’re gonna collapse the whole blowhole!

(Nitori) Marisa, I’ve got her cornered now!

(Marisa) Cover your ears, it’ll be loud!

[0:37] [Master Spark]! See? Power will beat anything

(Yamame) Seriously, the walls over here are cracking!

(Marisa) Hey Alice, these dolls have gunpowder and stuff

For your blow-up ones, how much powder’s in there?

(Alice) Enough

(Nitori) Alright then, that’s a plan. Cornering her now, so blow her up!

[0:53] (Reimu) Wow, all three of them are crazy

(Yamame) Do you want to bring down the whole ceiling?

(Marisa) Aww, I don’t have any more dolls left

Nitori, quick ammo check!

[1:05] (Nitori) Battery is at 40%, charging. By the way, there’s an op-cam feature on the right

(Reimu) Are you insane? Don’t give her something like that! Geez!

(Nitori) It uses more power, so don’t spam it in a fight

[1:18] (Suika) Huh? Did I hear something explode just now?

It looks like that section’s going down

(Yamame) You crazy human, just get out of here!

(Marisa) And that is Level 1 cleared!

[1:29] (Alice) Alright then, I’m sending the reserve dolls down

(Marisa) Now we’ve reloaded for the next floor!

(Reimu) Come again? If you could send gaps down here, then why didn’t you

Just send us to this old city from the start?

(Yukari) There are some people you have to see and blow them apart!

Timeline

The Dark Blowhole

[0:00] (Reimu) Huh? Marisa? Why are you way down here?

(Marisa) I was hired for a job.

I’m supposed to get rid of bad spirits

(Reimu) Oh really. What are the odds?

[0:18] (Yukari) Alright, so we set you two up. Get over it.

That doesn’t change the problem and the main issue

(Nitori) Now you have six people backing you up, don’t you?

(Aya) Alright then, give it your best

(Suika) Go get them, you two!

[0:36] (Reimu) You could have told me that. And how are you talking?

(Marisa) Through the special backpack that Nitori made for testing

(Yukari) Chop chop, you two. The clock is still ticking, so get on it

(Reimu) Now until you explain what is up with these “bad spirits”

[0:49] (Patchouli) Vengeful Spirits are ghosts with malign intentions

Who will cause a problem if left without intervention

(Marisa) That’s good enough for me! Let’s both get underground

So then Reimu, you in? Either way, I am heading down

[1:01] (Reimu) Fine, but don’t think I’ve forgotten this, Yukari

Alright, so why didn’t you six do this yourself?

(Alice) Youkai are barred from going down there to cause fights

And there are some people who just keep to themselves

-Kisume enters-

[1:18] (Nitori) I heard that weirdos like to hand out down there

(Marisa) Yeah, there’s a bucket-girl who spams wisps everywhere

(Patchouli) Tsurube-Otoshi, an ambusher

(Alice) Based on this information, stay well above her

[1:37] (Reimu) Right, we’re past her. Any clue where to go?

(Suika) Head to the old capital!

Go past this bridge and it’s this old city

That place used to be my home!

[1:54] (Reimu) Wait, so you used to live down here? Come down and help!

(Alice) There’s no point. She fell asleep a second ago

(Marisa) Reimu, incoming! Alice, about your dolls

How do I get them to shoot things?

(Alice) [Auto Control]

-Yamame enters-

[2:12] (Yamame) Oh, two passing humans. That’s so unusual

(Nitori) Marisa, the left strap. That person is a cave spider

(Marisa) Alright, I pulled it out

(Nitori) [Deploy Rocket Launchers]!

Hey, you dirty spider! This is for our messed up river!

[2:24] (Marisa) Wait, this thing has rockets? That is way too awesome

(Nitori) Blow them all to pieces! Come on spider, come and get some!

(Yamame) You guys are interesting. I like you, so let’s play

(Marisa) If you like explosions, then we’ll have a blast here, da~ze!

[2:38] (Aya) Reimu, you’re not joining in?

(Reimu) Just leave it to her

By the way, what’s up with the kappa’s quick temper?

(Aya) Cave spiders help us build buildings over one night

But the Kappa hate the mess that gets left behind

[2:56] (Patchouli) I’ve heard no such thing about Cave Spider Buildings

Sakuya, please ask Koakuma for these books

(Alice) Marisa, please be careful. Those dolls are the ones

That are stuffed with gunpowder, so they’re set to blow

[3:04] (Marisa) One demolition coming right up! Everyone clear!

(Yamame) Fun or not, you’re suspicious so I’ll beat you here

Timeline